I say this not to take away from the pain we may have endured because I know how it feels toWANTto get revenge on the narcissist. That we can live in a world where someone can cause so much damage and get away with it seems so unjust. The fact that they will view you as the attacker means that even though it may wound them in the short-term, it will actually helpthe narcissist in many ways. Sometimes, you might even want to clear your own name. The Ultimate Narcissist Dictionary for Defining Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse, gained our trust first before doing these things, walking away shows them we no longer care, Taking Your Life Back After a Relationship With a Narcissist Free Recovery Toolkit, Comprehensive Narcissistic Abuse Dictionary, The Best Resources for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery, Dating After Narcissistic Abuse: The One-Year Detox, Books on Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: A Warning, 7 Things That Supercharge Narcissistic Abuse Recovery, The Worst Thing You Can Do to a Narcissist, Songs About Narcissism: Your Abuse Recovery Playlist, Ten Things That May Happen in a New Relationship After Narcissistic Abuse, How to Outsmart a Narcissist and Break Their Spell, How Narcissists Ruin Holidays: It's Not Your Imagination, 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Won't Give You Closure, Why Cognitive Dissonance is Trauma to Narcissistic Abuse Survivors, How to Know If a Narcissist is Finished With You, How to Deal with a Narcissist When You Can't Go No Contact. And sometimes the best help you can ever receive is from a stranger. This is obviously not just a whimsical thought. Living our best lives is the best revenge because it keeps us from sullying who we are. We dont get to tell the narcissist what we really think or see them self-destruct. All have been divorced to no fault of their own. Start by telling them how you feel. He would spend his time on his cell phone and loving on our cats all the while ignoring my very e. And they are perfectly willing to play the role of conqueror. Its actually not all that difficult. The narcissists and their legion of fools can slowly drive you insane. Go home. I wish you continued strength on your recovery journey. Walking away is the worst thing you can do to a narcissist because its the best thing you can do for yourself. They come off as friendly, gentle, and charismatic. Want to know more? Completely away. Narcissists believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that by discarding us, giving us the silent treatment, destroying our reputation, and spreading lies about us that we will be hurt by it. How about telling them you dont need someone else as a crutch to stand on or to replace them in order to live apart from them? Narcissists are selfish, self-centered, and believe themselves to be superior to others. Stay strong and stay blessed. They appear likable at fist. Walk away and live your most authentic life. Youre probably not even a vengeful person! For example: He has convinced me to quit multiple jobs because its to stressful , they treat you so bad,let me support the family for while. Then turns it around that Im crazy and stupid for quitting and how selfish I was. 4. RT @Stormy247Stormy: Have you ever had a true NARCISSIST for a partner? Why Cant I Just Leave? The thought of it feels amazing, right? And by the way, it didnt work. They LOVE the idea that they can hurt us. Narcissists have but one goal get more narcissistic supply. Your ghosts follow you everywhere. And cry on the notebook if you have to absorb your emotion.Show her the parts where the page is crinkled. I reported his best friend to the police that I had threats that I was endangered, silly friend decided to send me WhatsApp messages to threaten me. And I ask you, is destroying our lives,this giftwe have of experiencing only one time, really worth the revenge? The worst thing you can ever have in your life. 1. Once I crossed that threshold, I saw him and the other woman as cartoon characters in mind and their antics not only lost their ability to hurt or trigger methey actually became funny in a Saturday Night Live kind of way. There's something about sending negative energy and abuse right back to a narcissist, and doing it quickly, that really irritates them. Till I saw I had endorsed a narcissist/sociopath in the nursing-business. The message was; Im in your nightmares and your fears every day. If youre asking for understanding and compassion from a narcissist, youre barking up the wrong tree. Narcs have a great ability to make people only see the worse. 6. Narcissistic personality traits are on the rise, and it can be toxic in relationships where money is involved. Communal narcissists will play up their victimhood should you ever question them. So to me it isnt about revenge or him at all. And many people may be hurt. If someone kicks you; kick back! They love seeing the destruction. It could start with a smear campaign, whispering rumors to friends, family, or colleagues. To eternity I understand where you are coming from. You dont have to verbally abuse them as they do you, just make comments about how the guy or girl across the room is more attractive. They wont view it as revenge, but youll be giving them additional narcissistic supply. These methods are highly rooted in emotion. They can also use it to strengthen other relationships by bonding with others over what a bad person you are. But in learning t laugh (not in a condescending manner but in a healing manner) we can recover so much faster. Try challenging their opinions, ignoring their commands, or laughing at their misfortunes and theyll fly into a narcissistic rage. We were engaged and only two months away from our wedding when he ended things. If you think about what narcissists thrives on, however, by rendering them invisible, you starve them of the drama that they crave. Lets evaluate some potential methods of getting back at a narcissist to determine what goals would be met and how effective they would be. I guess he forgot about all those pictures of patients he text messaged me. Ignore their texts, don't answer their phone calls, and don't talk to them when you see them in person. In the long-term, you won't have wounded them at all, and may even have helped them to just keep doing what they do. But youve told your truth. Moreover, is getting revenge on them something thats healthy for you? I did and after three months she calls me asking why Im not seeing my children. How To Hurt a Narcissist: Do This Without Becoming Like Them, Staying In Narcissistic Relationships Because Of The Children, When A Covert Narcissist Finds Someone New. It affects everyone, but if its not terribly long after you and the Narc parted ways, you know itll hit home to them. Even when the stories are so absurd. One Of The Worst Things You Can Do To A Narcissist. Examples can include mentioning how much better an ex was at making them feel, exploding because you took too long to text when you were out with your friends, making a cutting comment under his or her breath but where your mutual friends cannot overhear about something that they know will hurt you. 'I know the truth about you' or 'I see right through you'. They need to be stopped. No blowout fights at the grocery store, no hurling insults in front of friends, just scornful non-verbal communication that makes the other person feel terrible. Everyone laughs and teases others sometimes. Even if you did, the things they do are so blatant and heinous, as noted above with direct criticism, they can use what you do to make themselves into a victim to gain sympathy and support and to justify their poor treatment of you. These people get pleasure from causing harm to others, and when we can turn that frown upside down, that messes the Narcissist up in more ways than one. Its simply not possible. By MOVING ON and doing us and being successful, the moment they find out (and they will find out because they haveflying monkeyswho will keep tabs on our lives) that will DESTROY THEIR WORLD and THEIR EGO. Walk away and never look back at these toxic people. 2. To me, the worst part of dealing with narcissists is the part that you . You have no control about who they will believe. Enjoy! A lot. Narcissists have a very one-dimensional view of the world, and its one where they can do no wrong and the world is out to get them. Here are five ways that a narcissist may try to take advantage of you: 1. Narcissists' self-absorbed behavior and need for attention can take up all the emotional oxygen in the room. Answer (1 of 233): What words can destroy a narcissist? We are now building our relationship. You are not alone. They dont cause remorse, validation, acknowledgment, or change because they dont view you as anything but an extension of them, not as an equal who is entitled to your own pain. I did the same thing, Kristen. Thank you for your blog.I worked with a narc, almost killed me. The heart of the book is explainingwhy we do things in these relationships we dont understand and how we can stop. The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is leave them, they can NEVER recover from that. And I also know the best thing to do is to be the BIGGER AND BETTER PERSON. It shows the narcissists that despite EVERYTHING (and listen to this)EVERYTHING they have done, what they did, and what they will try to do that, it doesnt even phase us, because they are soUNIMPORTANT. When you explain your feelings, youre not helping the narcissist to see your point of view theyre not capable of that. Required fields are marked *. Not exactly, the desire to be needed and seen as needed can result in toxic relationships that arent based on mutual trust and respect. The tactics mentioned above feel tempting after youve experienced months or even years of psychological abuse. Taking revenge on a narcissist is pointless. Don't allow that, ever. In any case, the only way to win against a narcissist is to never play their game. And it was 25 years later I found out about narcissism by accident looking up why my kids acting strange. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. You can say something like, "I feel terrible for". They may gain narcissistic supply from others in the form of sympathy by using what you did. Do it wisely. They will feel like, after all the mess I did they are stillHAPPY?. Cognitive Dissonance. TikTok video from EL.11.RA (@el.11.ra_lightlanguage): "Part 3/3: This structure of comfort, of always having someone dispensable to 'save' them, is greatly threatened when one parent has passed on and the other (or any one close to them) has triggered abandonment issues and wounds that sends the underdeveloped individual to spiral out of control, and deep into the abyss. My husband left me after 30 years married 8 years. Live your best life, dont play games with these people, and you win. If you need to maintain contact, let them know how they can and cannot be in contact with . Its an unfortunate effect of having very low self-esteem and no ability to regulate it. By destroying your credibility and confidence, they put themselves back on top. four main types of narcissistic personality disorder, 14 Easy Ways to Communicate With a Man Who Wont Communicate. Reading Suggestion: How Dating a Narcissist Changes You. There may be a material loss as well. Yes, Im saying that basically the only way to get revenge is to leave. They expect to be catered to. See, it's a give and take thing. Click To Tweet. I heard of this somewhere and it is genious. Youll have a sense of control for once. Researcher and author Craig Malkin, PhD, suggests that the term "covert" can be misleading. Keep cool. . Or move away and begin speaking to someone else as if nothing was said at all. Im really tired.. This almost never happens for narcissists, so any happiness you might get out of humiliating them will be offset by the retaliation that follows. When we move on and live happily, that brings down their illusion of superiority and reveals to them something they dont want to see. Giving in to them might cause us to create situations that would make things worse for ourselves and play right into the hands of the narcissist. In fact, your best life may include dating many people down the road, not just settling for one as soon as possible. The relationship started out great they were charming, affectionate, and never stopped telling you how much they loved you. If youd like to read a free preview, which includes the first chapter and the pathological love relationship checklist, click on this link. Never argue. The narc is constantly in his head about what a bad person/mom I am. I dont consider it revenge. The win is truly ours because walking away shows them we no longer care about anything they have to say and they have no more control over our lives. You dont need to be blatant about it either, narcissists are always making comparisons, so theyre sure to find out when youre doing better than them in some way. Unfortunately for you, the narcissists only option for regaining their sense of self-worth is to attack the party that has injured it. Its been haunting me for years. My ex is a narcissist. 'You are a failure' or 'I am so disappointed in you'. The Horrible Things Narcissists Do To Betray Their Wives in the Worst Way | NPD | Narcissist DownfallPlease help this channel to gain more vibration by shari. Furthermore, they take many things you do as criticism anyway and might not notice that anything has changed. Its about empowering myself. 10 Things Narcissistic Men Fear the Most. It would be easy to accuse them of being too sensitive if they made too big of a deal out of it. You break up with them first while also pushing them away itll hit them hard. Make calm, peaceful statements and then the crazy-making behavior and gaslighting on their side will stop. The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to try and even the scores. 5) Don't let them isolate you. Then I went silent. It tickles their ego, knowing that they can bad mouth us to other people and then have these people foolishly believe every word they have said. By attacking our self esteem and playing mind games (getting in our heads) they can forever have control over us. The other one loves bananas, but also loves their spouse, and has no problem doing small things like not forcing unwanted banana contact. Its dangerous to purposely cause them humiliation. Then remain silent when the go in a rage. So I was tired of all of it. So easy to get solid proof. This is why so many of these methods backfire or cause more issues. Not only does it not have the intended effect, we just have more fallout to deal with because we are the ones who end up hurt by it when the narcissist responds to what we did, and it just keeps us engaged with them longer. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and expert on extreme self-involvement, shares . I think its worthwhile to think through where the urges come from, what is likely to happen, and whether or not they are good ideas. He also gets drunk every night then gets crazy on me in front of my kids saying horrible things to me and even goes as low as accusing me of cheating on him with his own brother!! These tactics are sure to get them riled up but beware of the consequences that will ensue. So, by going through all of these ideas one by one, I do not suggest them seriously. They are likely to be noticed and elicit a strong and dangerous response from the narcissist. I really needed this. Dont let them monopolize your life. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Your email address will not be published. In this article I will describe exactly what words hurt a Narcissist the most and what the best method is to get your ultimate revenge on them. Never attempt to get revenge on these types of narcissists; it will blow up in your face, sometimes violently. Narcs LOVE the idea that they can destroy our image and life. Narcissists, with their controlling, contrarian ways can emotionally wear you out. Right now, they think that they have you wrapped around their finger and you cant live without them. x. They need to feed on . 12 - Pave the way for their next relationship. Required fields are marked *. Without having to leave them for another person, youre telling them youre strong enough to stand on your own. Give them consequenses. 157 views, 7 likes, 9 loves, 29 comments, 4 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Miller Memorial Baptist Church: Sunday, February 26, 2023~ Reverend. But now you can do it on purpose just to show them they cant control you. And can you leave a link to your blog? Gaslighting. And when we can show a narc that they are NOTHINGthat KILLS THEM INSIDE. Given that we had no offspring together and documented who put in the money into the house that we purchased together we got finally got divorced in end of 2019, there came more slander on social media to try to alienate me from other mutual friends he hadnt had the chance to force to take sides and his best friend had also threaten to beat me up. This way of thinking and behaving surfaces in every . Im not even involved romantically and Im very unhappy. I have no contact with any as it hurts to have seen what my daughter has done to her children. These methods of vengeance may not look like vengeance at all. Narcissists need to be seen as the best at everything, in their career, relationships, health, etc. Its that they intentionally gained our trust first before doing these things. But we certainly dont have this opportunity a lot of the time, but if one does play that card. Because he cheats on me all the time, and uses me to get things. It is easier to leave a narcissist if you cut off as much contact as possible. However, in general, the worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to ignore them. The initial reaction of the narcissist to a perceived humiliation is a conscious rejection of the humiliating input. Do the diary because she will see you from a different light. It doesnt work. Only it was with the other woman. I feel for the children but there is nothing I can do ! Hi. You have a conscience, so its probably a fantasy that you could keep this up for long enough to make much of a difference. But never give up being a mother. Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made! Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. It feels as if there must besomethingyou can do with all of your anger at the injustice. She ended up getting fired and filed a wrongful termination lawsuit blaming me as the cause.She filed a cause of action against me with the California State Board of Equalization and with the EDD.I ended up with renal failure and have under gone 3 surgeries to correct the problem from the stress.Law suit was finally settled not because she was right but because our legal fees were mounting.God help anyone who has to deal with a narc in the workplace. Its hard but I did move on 15 years with a wonderful wife so loving and the whole family is great. Sounds great, right? 4. Narcissistic people can do wonders on someones mind and psychology. The idea here is not to make her feel bad but to show her HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER AND WANT TO CONNECT. Thank you and thanks for reading! Personally, I think we are getting revenge by being online exposing ourselves and sharing our true story. Run, girl! Theyll blame you for their actions or play up their victimhood and make you the aggressor. Those who live with narcissism may find it difficult to hold positive and negative feelings for someone at the same time. On her next birthday give her the dairy letting her know how much you want to connect with her and how she shunned you. So when they discard us or give us thesilent treatment, know that they are STILL thinking about us and that they are gleaming at the idea that we are hurt. Youre always doing something wrong and the narcissist is blameless. Revenge is a dish best served cold. If they do, they can use what youve done to play the victim to others, and because it was premeditated and intentional, now it is arguably justifiable. Write in a diary about how you felt and how much you wanted to connect with her. Its feels good to get it out! Why play nice? That feeling will be very short-lived; narcissists always have more time and energy to spend on hurting you than you do on hurting them.
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